Getting It All Out
Get it out. Go ahead. Get it all out. Once we begin recovery, we may feel like it's not okay to gripe and complain. We may tell ourselves that if we were really working a good program, we wouldn't need to complain.
What does that mean? We won't have feelings? We won't feel overwhelmed? We won't need to blow off steam or work through some not so pleasant, not so perfect, and not so pretty parts of life?
We can let ourselves get our feelings out, take risks, and be vulnerable with others. We don't have to be all put together, all the time. That sounds more like codependency than recovery.
Getting it all out doesn't mean we need to be victims. It doesn't mean we need to revel in our misery, finding status in our martyrdom. It doesn't mean we won't go on to set boundaries. It doesn't mean we won't take care of ourselves.
Sometimes, getting it all out is an essential part of taking care of ourselves. We reach a point of surrender so we can move forward.
Self-disclosure does not mean only quietly reporting our feelings. It means we occasionally take the risk to share our human side-the side with fears, sadness, hurt, rage, unreasonable anger, weariness, or lack of faith.
We can let our humanity show. In the process, we give others permission to be human too. "Together" people have their not so together moments. Sometimes, falling apart - getting it all out - is how we get put back together.
Today, I will let it all out if I need a release.
I grew up in a alcoholic home,and was taught that you don't share things with people.,. I walked on egg shells around my dad so not to upset him. I grew up wanting to please my dad. I was daddy's little girl.
I went through school not opening up to anyone nor did I have many friends. I didn't feel like I fit in.
When I was 13 I went to live with my mom who had left me when I was 2 years old. My mother and step dad smoked pot so here I was having to keep secrets.
I grew up to be a alcoholic and a addict and to be very codependent. All of the relationships that I got into I became who they wanted me to be,and did whatever they wanted me to whether I wanted to or not just to keep them happy. The only time that I didn't do as I was told or keep my mouth shut was when I got drunk and then I would get angry and take it way to far,and I would feel guilt,and remorse the next day.
Being codependent has really taken a toll on my life it has lead me to depression& anger and even physical sickness. I believe that it all was fear based..
the codependent behavior really started to change for me once I got sick and tired of being sick and tired,and that was 5 1/2 years after I was sober. I had been taken through the 12 steps and had seen how I was playing the victim and being a martyr the past 5 1/2 years of my recovery. I was walking around allowing others to say and do things and then I wouldn't stand up for myself,but then I would hold a resentment and go whine about it.
Today I don't do that thanks to working the 12 steps I have learned how to set healthy boundaries. Sometimes I still struggle with sharing my feelings,but thank God I have close friends in recovery that know me well enough that know me well enough to know when I'm not ok ,and then I open up and share my feelings. Why I don't do it sooner I don't know cause I always feel better, thank God it's progress not perfection.I will probably be working on this the rest of my life.
Get it out. Go ahead. Get it all out. Once we begin recovery, we may feel like it's not okay to gripe and complain. We may tell ourselves that if we were really working a good program, we wouldn't need to complain.
What does that mean? We won't have feelings? We won't feel overwhelmed? We won't need to blow off steam or work through some not so pleasant, not so perfect, and not so pretty parts of life?
We can let ourselves get our feelings out, take risks, and be vulnerable with others. We don't have to be all put together, all the time. That sounds more like codependency than recovery.
Getting it all out doesn't mean we need to be victims. It doesn't mean we need to revel in our misery, finding status in our martyrdom. It doesn't mean we won't go on to set boundaries. It doesn't mean we won't take care of ourselves.
Sometimes, getting it all out is an essential part of taking care of ourselves. We reach a point of surrender so we can move forward.
Self-disclosure does not mean only quietly reporting our feelings. It means we occasionally take the risk to share our human side-the side with fears, sadness, hurt, rage, unreasonable anger, weariness, or lack of faith.
We can let our humanity show. In the process, we give others permission to be human too. "Together" people have their not so together moments. Sometimes, falling apart - getting it all out - is how we get put back together.
Today, I will let it all out if I need a release.
I grew up in a alcoholic home,and was taught that you don't share things with people.,. I walked on egg shells around my dad so not to upset him. I grew up wanting to please my dad. I was daddy's little girl.
I went through school not opening up to anyone nor did I have many friends. I didn't feel like I fit in.
When I was 13 I went to live with my mom who had left me when I was 2 years old. My mother and step dad smoked pot so here I was having to keep secrets.
I grew up to be a alcoholic and a addict and to be very codependent. All of the relationships that I got into I became who they wanted me to be,and did whatever they wanted me to whether I wanted to or not just to keep them happy. The only time that I didn't do as I was told or keep my mouth shut was when I got drunk and then I would get angry and take it way to far,and I would feel guilt,and remorse the next day.
Being codependent has really taken a toll on my life it has lead me to depression& anger and even physical sickness. I believe that it all was fear based..
the codependent behavior really started to change for me once I got sick and tired of being sick and tired,and that was 5 1/2 years after I was sober. I had been taken through the 12 steps and had seen how I was playing the victim and being a martyr the past 5 1/2 years of my recovery. I was walking around allowing others to say and do things and then I wouldn't stand up for myself,but then I would hold a resentment and go whine about it.
Today I don't do that thanks to working the 12 steps I have learned how to set healthy boundaries. Sometimes I still struggle with sharing my feelings,but thank God I have close friends in recovery that know me well enough that know me well enough to know when I'm not ok ,and then I open up and share my feelings. Why I don't do it sooner I don't know cause I always feel better, thank God it's progress not perfection.I will probably be working on this the rest of my life.
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